I think with a few more difficult and lengthy concert programs in the horizon I have entered a new realm in my creative process. I feel my brain changing, and I am searching for the right ways to work to preserve the old and apply the new. With more experience improvising, memorizing pieces is at once easier, and harder - initially employing harmonic and formal analysis makes things stick a lot quicker! Being improvisatory about bowing, affect and articulation makes things more fluid and a lot less reliable! I'm finding that if I move back to the old reliance of muscle memory and even for a second loose track of the form, I flounder. It's really the skill of being at once in the present, and in the future. Which brings me to the actual point of time....
These days time is moving a lot quicker than it used to. There just seems to be a lot less of it. Yes, I am a working mom of three with a second career as a performer. Yes, I am still learning my new instrument and I don't have unlimited time to practice. Enter the new stage in my creative process - panic mode. A week before the recital when my brain is too full of music and none of it makes sense. This is actually a familiar stage in the process, but I don't remember being this scared - I think I used to trust the process more and know that this is just part of it. I think I have figured out why, too - enter the kids. With kids, a week can easily be obliterated by one of them getting sick, crack their head open, get into trouble, you name it ... I think the newly found panic stage of my process is caused the unpredictability of life with children. It used to be that if I needed to, I could play 8 hours a day for a week and be totally ready for a recital in a few days. Not so much anymore. Now, however, I have other weaponry gifted by motherhood: I am really good at compartmentalization. I can also get a lot done in very little time (maybe that's why time feels shorter?). I have superpowers in concentration. And, ultimately, my kids will still love me even if don't play the high F# exactly in tune.
The concept of time keeps changing!
These days time is moving a lot quicker than it used to. There just seems to be a lot less of it. Yes, I am a working mom of three with a second career as a performer. Yes, I am still learning my new instrument and I don't have unlimited time to practice. Enter the new stage in my creative process - panic mode. A week before the recital when my brain is too full of music and none of it makes sense. This is actually a familiar stage in the process, but I don't remember being this scared - I think I used to trust the process more and know that this is just part of it. I think I have figured out why, too - enter the kids. With kids, a week can easily be obliterated by one of them getting sick, crack their head open, get into trouble, you name it ... I think the newly found panic stage of my process is caused the unpredictability of life with children. It used to be that if I needed to, I could play 8 hours a day for a week and be totally ready for a recital in a few days. Not so much anymore. Now, however, I have other weaponry gifted by motherhood: I am really good at compartmentalization. I can also get a lot done in very little time (maybe that's why time feels shorter?). I have superpowers in concentration. And, ultimately, my kids will still love me even if don't play the high F# exactly in tune.
The concept of time keeps changing!
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